Circus of the Damned
by Circus Riddle
Summary: They told me it would hurt for three days. They told me I would be insatiable with bloodlust. But what they didnt say, that was the kicker, the mystery and erotic intrigue. That's not to say that I didn't find out...
1. Prologue

Disclaimer- I do not own this fictional universe or characters or any idea written by Stephanie Meyer. No profit is being made off of this except for some writing experience.

**Warning:** Future content will contain very mature themes. Areas explored are, but not limited to, BDSM, torture, murder, and other mature themes.

* * *

Circus of the Damned 

By Circusriddle

* * *

Prologue 

There was a deep burning, something so consuming and shattering that it did not make sense for me to have any sense of self. And yet, as the pain roiled and rioted through me, I did have a sense of being. The fact that I could even contemplate my existence showed that there was indeed, someone home in my body. But none of that matters, except that I burned.

It came in shifts of course. One second there was blissful abandon of simple nothingness. A reaction that only occurs when the mind has chosen to retreat from a horror it cannot fathom. And in a way, I suppose it was a horror.

Because within a period of three days, I would be a vampire.

It took a while for me to register any of my surroundings. At one point I began to wonder, if I was burning then why did I not smell any smoke? And I began to hear voices.

_"Edward, she'll be fine."_

_"Bella honey, don't worry, it'll all be over soon."_

_"Hang in there Bella."_

_"Bella?"_

I tried to focus on who was speaking to me, but it was like listening to a badly tuned radio underwater.

_"Bella?"_

And there was no more.

* * *

Voices again. Only a little more clearer now. And I could see blurred shapes to accompany them. 

"Well, she's stopped screaming. That must be a good sign."

"Shut up Alice."

"I'm stating a fact, Edward. We all know she's in considerable pain, I'm just saying that she's gotten better. Which is better than I can say of you, you miserable twit."

I heard a soft sigh and some movement. A strawberry blonde figure was tucking something more securely around me, and I had a moment of realization as I identified the weight around me. A blanket. I was wrapped securely in a blanket. I focused a bit more and recognized a bed under me. No, no, something hard as well. Ah, yes, Edward. He'd wrapped me up in his arms on the bed, curled into my body as though by sheer physical presence he could chase away the burning.

I sank into the awaiting darkness, wrapped up in Edward's arms.

* * *

It wasn't so bad now, being incased in this burning warmth. The fire had receded from my veins into a simmering heat in my blood. Other than that I felt nothing. A nothing so profound it was like silence screamed out and the slightest of noises was a world of discovery. 

I frowned and kept my eyes closed. I was not use to this new alien world, and I wanted to prolong the moment I would have to face it.

"Shh, Bella. I'm here, I'm always here. Sleep love, sleep." A soft kiss on either eyelid, and I was out.

* * *

There was never a moment where I hesitated in being with Edward. Nothing would deter me from spending forever with him. I had no idea the kinds of things that awaited me as a vampire. A world in which my human sensibilities might have recoiled from. But then, it was me we're talking about. I can't very well say what I will and won't freak out about. 

All I know is how I reacted after the fact.

And it all began as I opened my eyes.

* * *

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Circus


	2. Desires

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**Chapter One**- 

**_Desires_**

* * *

The world outside was as it has always been, and the people I knew were still the same. By now Charlie had gotten up rather reluctantly, floorboards creaking under his protesting weight, for an early morning shower. He'd always known that the only way he'd ever make it out of the house was if he took that extra effort to shower, turning the cold water up on high as he was about to finish as an extra wake up call. He'd then proceed to dress with an unconcerned slowness, not bothering to care what he put on so long as it matched up with the weather and the appropriateness of his job. This uninteresting and rather simple way of life would follow him as he took sips of his coffee (black because to add any cream or sugar would prove him less than tough,) into his relaxed job, and then whistling on home in the evenings. And when he got a call from his daughter after dinner he had absolutely no idea that the voice behind the phone was anything less than what he'd expect out of his simplicity. 

For the voice on the phone was not his daughter, but rather her sister in law Alice. His actual daughter was sitting stock still in bed, trying to listen to the nonexistent motion in her body, having recovered from finally being added to a family of vampires. But Charlie didn't know that.

"Hey Bells. Everything okay in Alaska? Didn't get eaten by any polar bears?"

"Very funny Dad. It's actually alright up here. Cold's not so bad, I mean after getting use to Forks this is a piece of cake. How are you doing?"

"I can survive Bella; I've been doing it for a while now. You just focus on your studies. And ah, I know we talked about this before the wedding but ah, I'm not looking to be a Granddad too soon so ah…"

"Yeah yeah, of course, I mean, Edward and I… uh, we're not, yeah." Had Charlie possessed an incredible and almost impossible sense of hearing he might have caught Alice trying so hard to control her laughter and Edward's hissing for Alice to shut up and get on with it.

"Listen Dad, I've got a really big exam to study for, but I'll call you tomorrow alright?"

"Alrighty Bells. Don't forget to get some sleep. All the studying you do can't be healthy."

"'Night Dad."

"Night Bella"

Alice hung up the phone looking bittersweet. With a sad smile she turned to Edward, who stood there frowning at the phone with a far off look on his face.

"Any change?" They both knew what she was referring to.

Edward sighed angrily and ran a hand through his hair, tousling his already messy hair.

"No." he sounded resentful and he looked even worse.

"Well, look at it like this. You might just end up spoon-feeding her like a human, so it might not be so different." Edward snarled at her and stalked away.

Alice skipped away to another part of the house, and I made sure to shut the door from which I was peering out of as silently as possible.

* * *

When you're human, you take certain things for granted. You never really take the time to notice the rough fluidity to the ebb and flow of everything inside of you. To feel a tingle in every vein of your body that lets you know you're alive. 

You should take that time. Because when you're dead, it's startling how very still and empty your body can be.

There's no sound; no sense of living. Brings new meaning to silent as the grave.

"Bella?"

I continued to sit there, the blanket snagged around my waist, afraid to look at him. His voice brought a rush of something so warm I took in an unnecessary breath. And because of it, I couldn't look at him.

What would I do if it all wasn't the same? Edward had always been beautiful to me, and a selfish part of me wanted that to stay, that I might never look upon him and see him as normal.

"Bella?" I closed my eyes, and slowly turned to him, afraid it would all disappear.

"Are you alright?" He asked, brows furrowed with worry.

I let out a choked sob and launched myself at him, throwing my arms around his neck. I planted kisses all over his face and laughed and laughed and didn't let go. His arms came around me, and as so many times before, the world began to tilt.

Only this time, it came rushing for us with a loud bang and a grunt from Edward.

I looked up at the bed from our place on the carpet and laughed harder. Edward peered at me warily

"Bella, are you sure you're alright?" There was a slight edge to his voice as I chuckled. Frankenstein gone wrong.

I slid my hands from his neck, down his chest, up over his broad shoulders and through his wonderfully messy hair. The contrast in texture from the fabric of his shirt to his soft hair made me shiver. I pressed my body down into his and sighed as my arms slowly found their way back around his neck. Something achingly deep and clutching consuming filled me as his arms came around me. And it was so warm here.

Resting there, I smiled and let out a chuckle. Edward traced his hands down my sides and lifted me up to look into his eyes. I leaned down and cupped his wonderful face in my hands.

"I love you, Edward." And I sealed it with a kiss.

He was just as beautiful as the day I first met him.

* * *

Eventually, the real world set in. And little by little a slow thirst began to seep into every pore of my body, until all I could think about was blood. It was more than bloodlust. It was blood_obsession_. 

I tired to ignore it, tried to pretend it didn't exist. I even refused to leave the House the Cullens had here in Denali. But it was no use. I curled deeper into a ball on Edward's bed and let the misery take me. My lips felt as though they might chap off and my throat was so parched.

I rolled over and buried my face into a pillow. A need so hot and heady filled me and I sank my teeth into the pillow. It would feel so good to go out and sink my teeth into something much more hot and satisfying, and it made me sick.

It was terrifying, the fantasies I'd been having lately. I thanked whatever lucky stars I possessed for Edward not being able to read my mind (probably making up for all the bad luck.)

And I continued to burn.

Letting out a muffled shout of frustration, I gripped the pillow hard. Sucking in air, I held my breath, trying to hold everything in. I held still and held on and on and on, digging my nails into my palms. It made me feel a little better.

"What's going to happen to her Carlisle?" Edward's voice sounded as though he was in the very next room, but I knew he and the other boys had gone out hunting.

Carlisle sighed.

"This can't go on."

* * *

Edward was hesitating at the front door of the house. I could practically feel him standing there outside in the snow. He'd been standing there for a while now, why I could only guess. But I had a queasy feeling about his hesitation. 

Slowly, I sat up in bed and let the covers pool around my legs. As I listened to Edward's slow progress through the house, I cast my eyes around the ivory and golden room. I had the feeling my hair was a mess, and I wasn't too sure I wanted him to see me as I was.

My refusal to go hunting had affected Edward more so than it affected me. He'd barely stepped foot into the room after I had flatly refused to drink any blood. He would never say so in front of me, but I knew how guilty he felt. Edward thought I resented him turning me into what I now am, thought I regretted it. I knew exactly what I had asked for and there was no regret whatsoever, but no matter my protests he still never really believed me.

He was standing outside the door now, still as could be.

"Just come in Edward." I murmured and ran my hands through my hair, attempting feebly to smooth out a few tangles.

The door opened halfway and Edward stood there with an empty look on his face. I almost didn't catch the apprehension around his mouth.

I frowned at him and tired to peer around the other half of the door when the smell hit me.

It wasn't so much the scent that straightened my back and twisted my face into something hungry and almost animalistic. It was the sensation of what it might feel like, an appetizer of taste and sensation and fulfillment. That sensation flooded my body with something warm and almost sensual, sending a whimper past my lips.

Edward pushed open the door wider to expose a bowl of blood in his right hand.

"Just what," I growled at him. "Do you think you're doing?"

He stayed standing at the door, tense but determined. "You need to drink Bella; this abstinence has gone on long enough." He spoke slowly as he entered the room, stopping halfway to the bed.

My hands clenched the sheets tightly and I took an unsteady breath. That smell was spreading through the room with all the attractiveness of a good perfume and the potency of thousands of pennies. Before I knew it I was standing in front of him, gaze focused on the bowl in his hand.

That deep redness began to get closer and closer, until clouded my vision with its deceptive stillness. My lips parted and I drew in that scent through them, as though drinking it down already.

Reaching for the bowl I steadied it in his hand. The contents sloshed slightly and almost hysterically my mind brought forth a memory of my mother's terrible tomato soup she'd attempt to make every time I'd get sick. I'd always drink it, grimacing with every "This is exactly what I needed mom" and "I'll be better in no time."

Only, this was Edward, and he sure wasn't giving me tomato soup. As my lips touched the cold edge of porcelain a terrible nausea roiled through my stomach and into my head.

I jerked back violently and knocked the bowl out of his hand, spilling its dark contents over his arm and across the floor.

Blood spattered on the carpet, pooling and seeping down into the floorboards below. I stared at that blood, imagining it coating my tongue like ice cream. My knees hit the floor with a painful thunk I barely noticed, and I leaned closer to that wonderful liquid. I inhaled deeply and moved closer, so close I was only a breath away from the floor. The floor. It was a floor.

I threw myself backward and kept going even when I hit the bed, scrambling backward until I reached the headboard. Edward sighed and climbed up next to me, and even in my state of close hysteria I could appreciate how he moved with an almost catlike but masculine grace.

His face was right in front of mine as he breathed, "It's alright. It's a start. It's alright." He traced his fingers over my cheek, leaving behind a tingly sensation where they grazed. I turned my face into his hand planted a soft kiss on his wrist, right at the spot where the blood I'd spilled was slowly drying.

My lips still on his wrist, I inhaled his scent, something so distinctly calm and male and Edward that I had to close my eyes to take in the headiness of blood mixed in. The combination of scents was like adding spice to cake, and I felt a thick desire that tightened something low in my abdomen.

Slowly, not really thinking, I traced my tongue over his wrist and down his forearm. A moan sounded from somewhere, and it took a minute before I realized the sound was coming from deep in my throat. My lips were sticky with blood lipstick and Edward was staring at me with a smoldering look that turned his gold eyes amber.

He moved forward and pressed me down into the bed, cupping my cheeks and moving his hands to tangle in my hair. Staring down at me he moved over me, enough so that I felt every inch of him and enough that I didn't hold the full weight of him. Something roiled and rioted within me, parrying with my bloodlust and almost winning, causing me to press my pelvis into his. Desire won out, and I turned my face to the forearm covered in blood and pressed my lips there, slowly parting them and giving a slow lick over his bloodied skin.

"Oh, God." He whispered hoarsely. His lips brushed mine and his tongue moved over my lips. I sighed against his mouth and parted my lips for him, tracing my hands down his back.

Edward ran his hands down from where they had been tangled in my hair to my shoulders and downward. His hands had a wonderful unconscious habit of wandering whenever I had him befuddled enough, as I happened to have him at that moment. They ran almost teasingly over the sides of my breasts and down to the edge of my sweater, where one played with the waistband of my jeans and another traveled down to smooth over my inner thigh.

A pleasurable tension began to gather somewhere halfway between his hands, and I broke our kiss for some relief only to find more need. His lips kept themselves busy with my neck and the hand teasing my waistband began to move over my stomach and up to trace the edges of my bra, sending a pulse between my thighs.

"Edward-" He cut me off with a thorough kiss that left me gasping as he went to his knees. Slowly, he pushed the edge of my sweater upwards, exposing my bare stomach to the cool air. His mouth moved over the edge of my waistband and suddenly the air didn't feel so cold. He moved up, over the traces of blood his sleeve had made, and over my bra, kissing over the exposed parts of my breast. One of his hands stroked over my thigh and moved inwards and up and pressed _right there_.

"Edward," I gasped, "Edward let's try again."

He looked up from the valley between my breasts with an adorably confused look, so out of place with his positively burning eyes.

"But you didn't enjoy it last time."

"Just," I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped the sheets. "Let's just try again, okay?"

Edward frowned in disapproval at me and sighed. He rolled to my right, lying on his back.

"You're trying to substitute one need for another, Bella." He ran his hands through his hair and let out a gusty breath. "Not that I disapprove of your methods, but you need to hunt. It's not simply a matter of satisfying the blood lust, but like any other being, you're body needs nourishment."

"Couldn't I just eat my vegetables?"

Edward chuckled and wrapped his arms around me, placing soft kisses over my neck. He pulled my shirt back down, keeping one hand under it and tracing his fingers over my stomach.

I watched his fingers move in nonsensical patterns on my stomach, the occasional buttery kiss leaving tingles along my neck.

"I don't regret it, you know." I murmured into the silence. His fingers paused and then proceeded to draw a figure eight around my belly button. I shivered and rolled onto my side, facing him. "I'm serious. I don't regret becoming your wife, joining your family," I ran my fingers down his cheek. "Or even leaving Jacob. And everything else that comes with being human. All of it. I don't regret it, so you shouldn't either."

I scooted closer and touched my lips to his. He traced a finger down the bridge of my nose and smiled a self deprecating smile.

"Bella, I love that you'll be with me always, but a part of me regrets infecting you, and I don't think that will ever change."

I brushed some fringe out of his eyes and offered a soft smile in return. "That's okay. Just as long as you know, it's my party and only I can cry if I want to. And I don't."

We continued to lay on the bed, still touching in silence.

"Edward?"

"Mmn?"

"What did Carlisle say when you were talking about me?" I played with a piece of his hair as he pursed his lips.

"Simply," he began slowly. This wouldn't be good. "That we might seek help for you in other places. Other vampires."

I frowned at him, vaguely suspicious. "Like, someone from Tanya's group?"

He shrugged. "A bit farther out."

"What? Someone who lives in Antarctica?" He frowned at me. "You're serious? That's crazy-"

Edward made a disgusted noise at the back of his throat. "No, not Antarctica. I was thinking somewhere a little closer to home for Carlisle."

"Europe?"

"Precisely. What better way is there to find out about yourself than to go to your roots?"

"So we're going all the way to Europe so I can gain some self control? This is ridiculous. We shouldn't have to bother."

"But apparently we do. Until you decide to try to exist..." He laid his palm flat on my stomach, just feeling my skin.

"Even if going there helps me, how will you keep me from killing everyone on the plane?"

"We'll put you in baggage." I glared at him as he chuckled at me. "Don't be silly Bella, you're not going just yet. Until you learn some control they're coming here to help you. Carlisle feels they might provide you with the proper support we seem to be unable to give you." He said the last part sadly and I immediately felt guilty. It was ridiculous that they had to go and call in a specialist like some intervention when I could stop all of this just by going out and hunting.

A part of me recoiled at the thought and another rose up to meet it eagerly, hungrily.

"If I hunt, If I accept the hunting, will you call off this whole fang intervention?" Edward studied me for a second.

"Alright. But you have to hunt, and you have to stick with it."

My stomach churned. "Okay." And I was sure that came out squeaky.

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you so much to all those who reviewed and who continue to review. You all truly are an inspiration and I couldn't ask for a better audience. 

Please review, it's pure motivation.

Questions? Comments? Head on over to my livejournal for updates and such. Or if you're feeling lazy I tend to post up stages of progress, as well as posting dates, on my profile (and I update it regularly.)

Thank you so much all!

Circus


	3. the Elephant

**Author's Note**- Terribly sorry for the wayyyyy overdue update… life carries me away sometimes. But I'm still here, and this is not going to be abandoned! And hey, its something to read while you wait those two more days for Breaking Dawn's release!

I would like to say thank you so much to those who reviewed and who continue to review and inspire me. Thank you, all of you, really I would name you all here but as it is 4am I think I need to sleep to keep writing.

Your reviews are like chocolate for the soul. Thank you.

Happy reading!

Disclaimer- The universe belongs to Stephanie Meyer, I merely play in it.

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**Chapter Two**-

**_the Elephant_**

* * *

Twigs and rocks snapped and crackled beneath my feet as I walked along a trail in Denali's National Park. The air was fresh here, cool and crisp with an earthy twang. I took my time walking through the vast expanse of trees and stared at Mount McKinley as it lay stretched out behind Wonder Lake. The park was truly picturesque. You know those pop-ups you get about free screensavers for your computer, and there's always this one that has the picture of that big mountain behind a large lake? That picturesque.

I came to the edge of the lake and crouched down to stick a finger in the water, watching ripples glide over the smooth glassy expanse. Frowning, I looked down at the girl with black eyes staring back at me.

The water was a perfect mirror, so sleek and dark. I played a hand across its surface, over the girls face, pushing lightly and watched as water flooded over my hand. A twig snapping a few hundred feet back caught my attention.

The Cullens had all taken turns watching me on my trips outside, making sure I didn't attack any wayward humans. Today was Emmett's turn and he was happy to be out looking for grizzlies and watching me trip over things. Some things will never change I guess.

I heard Emmett curse as something small in size scampered away. I slowly stood and shook away the droplets on my hand. A gravelly sound and a musky smell wafted from behind me, accompanied by a beat so steady that it caused me to freeze. There's only one thing that sounds like that and it pumps what I lusted for most. I turned slowly, the kind of slow turn you see in those horror movies when a character is hoping that whatever is nasty behind them isn't really behind them.

A lone wolf stood, staring at me curiously and warily. Its brown slightly shaggy fur was reminiscent of another wolf, and its heartbeat beat just as strong. With every loud pump there was this surge of wet heat that seemed to flow out and gather in the contained space of the animal's body.

I reached out, wanting to touch that heat, fascinated by it. My nose drew nearer to that musky smell, something wild and uninhibited. Both my hands sunk into that thick fur and there was movement and something was growling but I couldn't tell if it was coming from me or from the heat or…

Something was moving; maybe it was me but I wanted it to stop moving. I held tight with my hands and there was a wet ripping sound and the heat was liquid and everywhere and on my hands and face and my clothes and my mouth and…

Oh…

Blood.

I couldn't gulp it down fast enough and it just kept flowing and flowing all over me and the ground. Slowly I became aware of a heavy presence beside me. It pulled me out of my desperation like a hand on the shoulder, and with a choked sob I broke away from that musk and fell back on my butt.

I breathed in through painful gasps, plugging my nose with my thumb and forefinger against that _smell_, and tried to forget about the warmth that lay seeping onto the ground in front of me. Emmett sat next to me on the ground, looking almost bored and serene. I panted hard, embarrassing little sobbing noises escaping through every heave.

We sat there, looking at anywhere but at the mess in front of us and waiting for my heaving to subside. Once my breathing resembled something close to normal Emmett chuckled softly and spoke patiently.

"Well now, are you done?"

I looked at my blood soaked and hands and my ruined clothes. "Alice is going to kill me. This was her favorite jacket on me." I tried for light hearted, and I probably failed.

Emmett seemed very casual, as if this was something very cute and simple. "She'll buy you a new one."

"You're not going to comment on," I motioned vaguely toward the mess, "this?"

"What do you want me to say?" He shrugged his big shoulders and played with some twigs on the ground, snapping them into the smallest pieces he could. I watched him do this for a few more moments before I sighed and looked out at the lightened sky.

"Something… No, just tell me I'm not a monster." I soaked in the cool air around me, inhaling slowly and letting it seep through me. Emmett didn't hesitate in his response.

"You're not a monster." He began to build little forts of his tiny twigs and small rocks. I made a niose at the back of my throat in disbelief.

"How can you say that? You have no more of clue what we are than I do."

Emmett carefully placed a small leaf between the rocks of a poorly constructed tower, the size of my pinkie, as a makeshift flag. I smiled slightly at this childlike display. "Of course I do," he responded while brushing his hands together in satisfaction. "I know everything."

A surprised laugh was torn from my chest, and after I'd started I found that it felt good to just let it out. So I just kept on laughing. Emmett beamed at me suddenly, and then frowned in consideration.

"No, I really do." He insisted. I continued to chuckle at him, and just because I felt like it, I hugged him hard. His big arms came around me and I was thoroughly enveloped in his strength. It was the best bear hug I'd ever gotten.

I released my hold on his neck and Emmett squeezed me one last time before letting go. "We better get back before you're hubby thinks I ran away with you." He said jovially, standing and taking me with him by the hand, and then looked down on the slaughtered creature. He looked back up at me and there was a command there that I didn't want to meet; an imploring look that asked and knew it would not receive.

_Accept_.

He looked back down and my gaze followed his reluctantly.

The wolf's organs spilled out onto the dirt ground, blood seeped out around it, an almost black liquid sludge. Its jaws were parted in agony and its tongue lolled out onto the ground, patches of fur and flesh were littered here and there atop the soaked black ground. It looked as though someone had taken a saw and lazily hacked off parts of its flesh, exposing bone. I grimaced and looked out at the calm lake.

_Accept_.

"Bella," Emmett chided. "We've all done worse, trust me. This isn't as bad as it could get." There was something far off in his eyes as he said this, but as I continued looking at him a moment or so longer, he brightened. "You really did a number on it." Emmett finally said his happy-casual voice still steady and strong. I wrapped the security of his voice around me like a musical consolation and turned away.

"Shut up, Emmett." I mumbled, and we both began to hike back to the house. Emmett chortled every time I tripped or got caught on something.

"I hate hiking." I grumbled, glancing back disturbed every now and then in the direction of the bloody mess; Emmett lumbering beside me the whole way.

* * *

Edward was at my side not a moment after we'd stepped through the door. He frowned at Emmett for a moment and looked me over twice in astonishment. I trembled slightly under his gaze and tried to look unaffected.

"What the hell happened?" Edward cried and turned to Emmett in accusation.

Emmett raised his hands in surrender and lifted his big shoulders. "I'd say she had ripping good time."

I snarled at him and he laughed a big booming sound. Esme stepped out of the kitchen with a damp towel in her hand.

"Emmett." She said reproachfully, walking towards me and taking my chin in her hand. Bringing the towel to my mouth and cheeks she began the very maternal process of wiping the dried blood from my face.

Despite my age I couldn't bring myself to feel embarrassed, instead something warm flowed into my chest at her gentle care.

Edward frowned worriedly back at me. Esme clucked her tongue and brought the stained towel away from my face. "We're going to need to run a shower to get this off. Alice." She called in a louder voice.

Alice came flouncing down the stairs easily, Jasper trailing behind her. "Water's ready." She said, coming to stand before me to cast an eye over my ruined clothes. Alice sighed and touched the jacket lightly, mourning its loss. "Well, thank God for changing fashion seasons."

I winced at her and moved my shoulders and arms around in the jacket uncomfortably. "Sorry Alice." My clothes stuck to my skin disturbingly, a matted blanket of sticky regret. "Can I go get cleaned up?" I shifted in my clinging jeans and added for effect, "Please?"

Edward stepped in and took my arm, starting for the stairs. "Do you even have to ask? It's your home now too Bella." He seemed annoyed with me, for what I didn't know but it started to make me angry.

"Slow down Edward! I'm all sticky and uck!" Edward stopped and turned to me. He scooped me up much like he use to when I'd been alive, and carried me to the bathroom. Without stopping to let me undress, he set me down right under the spray of the warm water.

"Edward!" I cried in dismay as my clothes plastered against my body, my jeans the most uncomfortable. The water ran a diluted red, not quite pink because no matter how much water you add to blood there's always this coloring that is unmixable, something that gives it away.

I quickly shrugged out of my jacket and started to unbutton my shirt. Edward had been watching me, and when he saw me reach for the buttons on my shirt he grabbed the shirt beneath my hands and _ripped_. Buttons flew here and there with a soft pinging sound and the shirt flew to the floor by the toilet.

I frowned at Edward and began the reach for the button on my jeans. His hands reached my waistband before mine and I stopped and stared up at him with astonishment. "You're not-" There was a wet and thick ripping sound and Edward's hands were pulling apart, and it occurred to me that he was still gripping my waistband, which meant that he was ripping my jeans. I grabbed his hands to still his movements. He looked back at my face, staring blankly.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?" I squeaked out in shock.

He made a frustrated noise and let out a gusty breath, running a wet hand through his hair. Looking down on me in seriousness he grabbed my hands and held them tenderly.

"Bella how is it that you're so calm? You…" He struggled and looked as though he was visibly searching for words to appear out of the bathroom floor, his eyes darting around hesitatingly. "Bella, you won't drink blood; you won't speak to Charlie, you've barely spoken to me or even Alice in days since…" He released my hands and ran one hand, now damp from the water, through his hair making it stick up even more and leaving behind darker brown streaks.

My brows furrowed at him. "So just because I'm being difficult you needed to rip off my clothes?"

Edward scowled at me. "No, but damnit Bella! I'd like to get some reaction out of you other than this… this… what you've been doing!"

"You want me to be upset?!"

"No!" He shouted and this time ran both hands into his hair, thoroughly dampening it and turning it a dark brown color. I was momentarily distracted with the urge to run my own hands through that messy hair when his quiet voice resounded, barely a whisper above the pour of the water.

"Bella… do you hate me?"

I didn't think I'd heard him right so I just stood there looking confused. "Huh?"

He repeated his question, those amber eyes looking at me with all the confusion of the world. He looked so utterly boyish standing there like that, that the question took a moment to register still. It was entirely impossible that he should be asking a question like that; inconceivable really. Wait, he really just asked me that didn't he?

"Wh-you-I-cant-you aren't seriously asking me something so stupid are you?" I sputtered and fought not to start yelling again.

"Well," He looked distinctly uncomfortable, though that might have just been due to the fact that he was standing in soaked clothes and shoes… really nice shoes, like Italian leather shoes or something really nice like that… "It's just that you've been acting as though you're trying to shut everyone out. Like you've… died." He said that last part quietly.

We stood there in an uncomfortable silence and I laughed, disguising the slightly wild edge in my laugh by throwing my arms around him and kissing him.

"You're being ridiculous." I shook my head out at him, playfully letting the droplets of water spray him. He pursed his lips and nodded suspiciously, and I knew he'd let me drop the topic now, but sooner or later we were both going to have to face the elephant in the room. Something was wrong. But not yet. Not yet.

Edward brought his lips down to my ear, pressing them there. The water had warmed his lips and I shivered against him as he breathed into my ear.

"Let's get you out of the rest of those clothes…"

He trailed light kisses back over to my lips and sealed his warmer ones to mine, effectively erasing any thought in my mind.

"Damn elephants."

"Hmn?"

"Nothing…"

* * *

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**Your writing fiend who is counting down the seconds until Breaking Dawn,**

**Circusriddle**


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